Nurturing daughters to become power strips; Jeeves & Wooster; the question of college
Nurturing Daughters Who (ultimately) Become Power Strips
I’m always on the hunt for new analogies about what it is I do all day, think about, used to be, am now, am becoming, hope to do in the future, and so on. During this past year of health crisis, I have realized the degree to which I am the power strip that, humanly speaking, electrifies our whole family unit. In fact, this has proven to be one of the biggest stressors emotionally on our whole family. To wit, my “loss of voltage” has been difficult and left its mark on each person. Lest anyone thinks I know anything about electricity beyond turning on a lamp (I don’t), here is what I mean:
As God’s providential family design would have it, mothers know everything about everyone. It’s not a sixth sense - it’s really a whole new level of relational functionality. We intuit who is off, who is hurt, who may potentially be hurt, who is holding up a brave face that only you identify, who needs one-on-one time with you after everyone else leaves the car in the garage, who needs a coffee date with Daddy, who needs to have chores removed for the day, who needs double chores for the week, who needs handwritten love notes, who needs sternly delivered lectures, who needs extra snuggle time, who needs an extra hour of sleep, and who would benefit from time away from the cacophony of ever-present siblings. The whole family comes to depend upon this magical motherly sensitivity, without ever speaking about it.
Now, for the months when the highlight of each day involved the children piling on top of my bed telling me their thoughts, it became very clear: they desperately needed some electricity from me, and I could only give a trickle compared to the nuclear-level voltage they were accustomed to. Now these days, as I’m back more into the swing of things, but not all the way, I am struck by how each person relies on the morning hug, the morning back scratch, the morning greeting, the morning I love you & I’m proud of you (which is probably the phrase I repeat 300 times each day), the morning eye contact and wink, the morning satirical comment about the day’s work ahead. Those zaps are what they all need to start off the day and what continues to power them throughout the day. At its simplest level: they plug in to me and utilize that energy to do their own work better, faster, and bigger. I suppose it’s the difference between the coach who motivates and casts big visions vs. the tepid coach who lacks inspiration as he shuffles into the locker room with a poorly sketched game plan. Children need inspiration not just to make their bed, brush their teeth, and practice the ridiculously difficult cadenza of the violin concerto at 5:00am; they need it to become the kind of person who overlooks sibling offenses and foibles that may or may not diminish with maturity.
So, how does this relate to daughters? When we tell our daughter that she can be and do anything she wants to do, [the cringe-worthy follow your heart tripe] we are really selling her short. Because what we really want to tell her is to become the most powerful, energizing woman God designed her to be. A woman full of vim and vigor and electricity; a woman who is thusly steady, re-assuring to those in her presence, a woman of grace and beauty who uses that beauty to build others up and not a bludgeon by which to beat others into submission and slavery.* I want my 3 daughters to become the type of woman who echoes the call in Proverbs 31 without having to wear a t-shirt that says “I’m a Proverbs 31 Woman.” They will spend a lifetime around those who need their wisdom, grace, discretion, and it will take them decades and lots of hard experiences to know exactly what tonic needs to be administered at just the right time. This is also why, incidentally, the Christian life is always about sanctification and sacrifice and never about self-care.
*someday soon I’ll write more about this concept of beauty as a gift to be stewarded and not as a weapon by which to bludgeon.
Jeeves & Wooster
Several years ago, my husband and I watched a few episodes of Jeeves & Wooster and we decided the humor would mostly fly over the heads of our children. A few months ago, as I was considering how to fill the audio airspace with our drives into Franklin for music lessons, Jeeves & Wooster popped into my head and I immediately bought the radio drama series off Audible. And let me tell you, we are now in the perfect season to listen to P.G. Wodehouse! This unforgettable British duo is now our faithful friend every time we drive long distances. We laugh hysterically, which can be an odd thing to do at 6:00am with a van overflowing with more stringed instruments than the Nashville Symphony. But it makes the hour pass like a blip and now we actively talk about how we can’t wait until Friday, when we get to listen to the next part of the story. Jeeves & Wooster is perfect for the family raised on classical literature, who loves imagery and metaphor and appreciates the gift of language. My 3 oldest are 17, 15, and 13, and it’s just gold for them. Our astute 9-year-old enjoys the auditory delight but definitely misses some of it. So: if you have teens, buy this immediately and prepare to be entertained in a brilliant and witty fashion. And though we tend to be a teetotaling family, we are in no way, shape, or form offended or bothered by the liberal role that alcoholic beverages play in some of the story lines.
The Question of College
It’s impossible to have a high school junior at home and not be faced with the Question of College every time you’re out and about. The short answer for us right now is: we just aren’t sure what Madeleine will do after high school graduation. Quite possibly she will take a year to continue to focus heavily on music and building her own online literary/writing/poetry endeavor. Quite possibly God may continue to open doors for our family band and we may be able to travel with that. Quite possibly after that year she may consider New College Franklin (with whom we have a long affiliation; I taught a class there and we hosted NCF students in our home for several years). Or quite possibly she may consider Reformation Bible College’s online offerings. Or quite possibly the conservatory we currently study at may have college-level music offerings by then. The point I’m making is - we don’t think a decision needs to be made by the end of the junior year, nor do we believe that college is mandatory, even for the most intellectually inclined students, nor do we think that learning ends when she finishes her last high school course. And, of course, we simply don’t know when The Honorable Young Knight may appear on the scene and upend all the best-laid plans. So for now, we are planning Madeleine’s senior year to be heavy on her most favorite things: British novels, writing, poetry, theology/worldview, and music. And then we will see where God leads next.
What I’m Reading
Last weekend I listened to a podcast with Dennis Prager as the interviewee, and his latest book was about Jewish traditions. I promptly bemoaned to my children - oh, I wish we were Jewish! We would have all these built-in traditions! For which I was promptly reprimanded by a chorus of voices for not being explicitly clear that I meant Messianic Jew. Anyway, the interview made me crave a re-read of Chaim Potok’s novels, which I had read and loved years ago. So I burned through The Chosen in the bath at night and am now in The Promise, with My Name is Asher Lev hot on its tails.
What I’m Listening To
I don’t listen to nearly as many podcasts and sermons as I used to. That’s partly because I crave silence more (you would too, if each of your children practiced multiple instruments 5-6 hours a day and you conducted family band rehearsals!!!). But I have a micro-sourdough bakery which gets me up before dawn on Thursdays to prep dough and gets me up in the middle of the night on Fridays to bake. So those are the times when I listen to whatever podcast delectables have accumulated during the week. In my last newsletter I listed some of my favorites programs, but here are some specific Must-Listen-To episodes I have recently enjoyed:
Ian Rowe on “Agency”: Empowering all children to achieve success (Acton Line podcast)
Christopher Buckley on The History of the Social Faux Pas (The Secrets of Statecraft podcast)
Out of the Silent Planet (The Great Books podcast)
Not Letting Our Most Important Asset D.I.E. (Capital Record podcast)
Until next time,
Allison